there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
