I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
