Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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