Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize