Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
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