Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
