awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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