Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
