i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
