I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
