Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
