his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
