You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
