i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize