just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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