Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
