I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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