She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
