yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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