wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
