Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
