And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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