I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
