I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
