my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
