whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
