Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
