I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
