Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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