so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
