I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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