Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
