You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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