sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
