Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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