The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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