Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
