I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
