I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
