did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize