I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
