why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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