i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
