Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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