did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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