she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love you. Go after that dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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