Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
