Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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