im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
