I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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