We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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