I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
