just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
