I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
