dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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