But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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