he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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