Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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