Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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