My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
