so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
