Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
50% drunk capacity currently
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
