I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
