oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
