i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
