girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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