She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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