do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
