ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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