I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
